Happiness Activity No. 7: Learning to Forgive

​

Forgiveness involves suppressing or mitigating one’s motivations for avoidance and revenge (which often bring with them accompanying emotions of anger, disappointment, and hostility), and, ideally, replacing them with more positive or benevolent attitudes, feelings, and behaviors.

Consider how much you agree with the following statements. 

 

Test

I’ll make him/her pay.

I want to see him/her hurt and miserable.

I live as if he/she doesn’t exist, isn’t around.

I keep as much distance between us as possible.

 

The more you agree with any of these items—the first two tapping revenge and the second two measuring avoidance—the more work you still need to do in order to forgive.

 

Learn more here.

 

 

​

Exercise

​

Recall a time that you did harm to another person. Perhaps it was being hateful to your parents, betraying a lover, or avoiding a friend. If those individuals forgave you, how did they communicate it to you, and what was your response? Why do you believe they did it? Do you think they benefited from forgiving you? Did you and your relationship with the person benefit as well? Did the experience teach you anything or change you in any way? Finally, what insight do you have about the experience right now?

Seek forgiveness for yourself. Whether it’s for a past or present wrong, write a letter of apology. Whether you send the letter of apology is up to you. Sometimes this may not be possible, if you are no longer in contact with the person; sometimes it may be risky or unwise.

 

Exercise

​

Imagine forgiveness.

​

For example, when you imagine forgiving your father for abandoning you, what would you say to him? What emotions would you feel, and how intensely and in what order? What would your facial expression look like? Which physical sensations would be triggered in your body?

 

Exercise

​

Write a letter of forgiveness. This exercise involves letting go of your anger, bitterness, and blame by writing, but not sending, a letter of forgiveness to a person who has hurt or wronged you.