Happiness activity No. 6: Developing Strategies for Coping

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Coping is what people do to alleviate the hurt, stress, or suffering caused by a negative event or situation. Coping can be two types: problem-focused and emotion-focused.

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Some examples of problem-focused coping strategies are: I concentrate my efforts on doing something about it; I do what has to be done, one step at a time, I make a plan of action; I talk to someone who could do something concrete about the situation, etc.

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Emotion-focused coping includes for example, distraction or physical exercise (e.g., a hike to lift your spirits) or seeking emotional support from people close to you (e.g., getting sympathy and understanding from a friend); trying to learn from the experience or looking for something good in what is happening, acceptance (e.g., learning to live with it or accepting the reality of what has happened), etc.

 

Learn more here.

 

 

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Exercise

 

So, for your first exercise in coping, get out a notebook, PowerBook, diary, or a sheet of paper, and follow the directions:

 

For the next four days, write about your very deepest thoughts and feelings about the most traumatic experience of your entire life. In your writing, really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts. You might tie your topic to your relationships with others, including parents, lovers, friends, or relatives, to your past, your present, or your future, or to who you have been, who you would like to be, or who you are now. You may write about the same general issues or experiences on all days of writing or on different traumas each day.

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At minimum, you should spend fifteen minutes writing each day, and you should write for several days in a row, for as long as needed. Be patient and persistent, and watch the benefits unfold.

  

Exercise

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The second coping exercise also involves journal writing, but in a more guided form. Alternatively, it can be done in conversation with a supportive confidant.

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First, whether through writing or talking, acknowledge that your loss or trauma has caused you a great deal of pain and suffering. Then consider what you have done during your loss or in response to it that you are proud of. If a family member has died, perhaps you worked extremely hard to make his or her last days comfortable. If your marriage fell apart and you sank into a depression, perhaps you bravely slogged through your workdays and kept it together, at least in front of people who depended on you.

Next, consider how much you have grown as a result of your loss. Do you think that you have a new perspective on life (even if it’s a negative one)? Do you believe that you are more compassionate now, or more grateful, or sensitive, or patient, or tolerant, or open-minded?

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Finally, think about how the trauma has positively affected your relationships. Have any of them been strengthened in any way? Have any of them become closer, more intimate, or more supportive?

 

Exercise

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ABCDE disputation technique: A for adversity, B for belief, C for consequence, D for disputation, and E for energize. Here are the steps, in order:

1. Write down the nature of the adversity, the bad event or problem you are facing—e.g., “My best friend hasn’t called me in three weeks.”

2. Identify any negative beliefs triggered by this problem—e.g., “She must hate me” or “I’m terrified that she thinks that I’m too boring.”

3. Record the consequence of the problem, how you are feeling and acting as a result—e.g., “I feel miserable and lonely” or “I’ve never been good at keeping friends” or “I’ll skip the dinner party this weekend.”

4. “Dispute the negative belief, challenging it, thinking of other possible reasons for the problem—e.g., “Perhaps my friend has been extremely busy (I remember her mentioning a big contract at work),” or “Maybe she’s feeling down herself and wants me to call.”

5. Considering the more optimistic explanations for your problem can energize you and lift your spirits, so that you become less anxious and more hopeful.

 

ABCDE disputation basically involves arguing with your own overly pessimistic thoughts rather than let those thoughts control you.

 

Ask yourself and answer, preferably in writing and preferably when you’re in a neutral mood.

1. What specific evidence do I have for this belief?

2. What alternative explanations are there for his recent behavior?

3. Even if my belief is true, what are the implications? Put another way, what is the worst possible thing that could happen? How likely is it?

4. What is the best possible thing that could happen, and what is the likelihood of that?

5. What do I honestly think is the most likely outcome?

6. Is this belief useful to me? What do I get out of having it?

7. Finally, what do I plan to do to address the problem?